i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
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