if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
