I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Randomize
