Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
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