And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
