i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
I have so many feelings about this burrito
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
Randomize
