The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
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