Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
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