i am watching brooke knows best right now and hulk is totally dating his daughter's look a like. it is gross and disturbing.
the most pressuring question is, why are you watching brooke knows best?.
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
Randomize
