My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
Randomize
