guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
Randomize
