I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
Randomize
