He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
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