Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
Randomize
