oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Randomize
