I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
Randomize
