found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Randomize
