Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
Randomize
