I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
you traded sex for a burrito?
she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
Randomize
