And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Randomize
