lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
Randomize
