If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
Randomize
