If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
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