They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
