I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
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