Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
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