Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
well I can't set my house on fire every night
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
Randomize
