He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
Randomize
