dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
We're not piercing ourselves today.
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
If its not for food we ain't going out.
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
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