and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
