Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
Randomize
