Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
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