That's when you crack a 10am beer
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
Randomize
