is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
Randomize
