I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
one might say we're banned from that church
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
Never joke about your clitoris.
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
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