I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
Randomize
