I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Randomize
