Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
Randomize
