He kissed a someone with a penis
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
Randomize
