I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
God, I missed his penis.
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Randomize
