i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
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