dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
Then you guys just all showered together...?
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
