So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
Randomize
