Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
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