i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
Randomize
