theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
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