I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
Randomize
