we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
