I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
Randomize
