My liver just broke up with me...
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Randomize
