theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
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