Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
Randomize
