smell my finger.
Girls should come with a carfax report
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
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