My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
Randomize
