Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
Holy shit dude........stairs
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
what the fuck happened to the tacos
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
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