words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
Randomize
