i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
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