he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
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