girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
Randomize