I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
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