i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
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