Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
Randomize
