I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
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