What a fucking waste of an outfit
He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
so we had a 20 minute conversation and created the fb page WWND (what would Nana do?) last night after we took our Ambien...that is my definition of an overachiever
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
Randomize
