We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
he was CRYING into my vagina
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize
