A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
The cops high fived after they tackled you
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
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