Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
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