i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
Randomize