I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
