if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
Randomize
