The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
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