so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
Randomize
