i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
Randomize
