This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
When did we convert life to cartoon?
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Randomize
