Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
