yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize