i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Randomize
