Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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