she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
Is it penis luge time yet?
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
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