Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Randomize
